I read this quote from the Dalai Lama tonight and smiled because I couldn’t agree more with it.  I’m confident that if we look back at all the ‘things’ that have happened to us it would be very easy to tell the world to go screw itself.  I know that I have certainly had periods in my life where I have been down and out.  I played the victim role so well that I almost got nominated for an Oscar.  The role looked something like this; Why had my mother rejected me when I was 13? Why had my sister died so young? Why had my first partner cheated on me? Why had my marriage failed?  Why did my mother cut me out of her  will? Why did my family turn their backs on me? The list goes on and on and on.

WHY WHY WHY??

It wasn’t pretty, all these negative thoughts and emotions that were brewing in my body, like a pressure cooker just ready to explode into a disease. My mind (thoughts) were  making me ill, I was depressed, I was gaining weight, I was dissatisfied, I was such a victim that I was losing the will to live and becoming suicidal. At my lowest point I realized that this attitude wasn’t serving me and I had to snap out of it because Prozac wasn’t the solution for me.

So, how do you turn negatives into positives in this situation?

Firstly, just stop it! Stop trying to intellectualize it, stop analyzing it, stop trying to make sense of it because it is not meant to make sense.

Secondly, accept the whys.  This is like going through a mourning process to begin with.  You will experience denial, anger, bargaining, depression and FINALY the accepting. With time you will bypass the 4 steps (denial, anger, bargaining and depression) and be with acceptance straight away. You will soon realize that the 4 stages prior to acceptance don’t serve you. They are just a defense mechanism.  When you are wholeheartedly at peace and accepting of the situation there is no need to be angry or depressed about it.  It is how it is and that is it. Now, this isn’t easy, but when you are at that place of acceptance there is a blissful and calm feeling inside.  All of a sudden you realize that everything that is happening to you is for a reason, acknowledge that everything is as it should be.

I have a saying, ‘religion is the fear of going to hell and spirituality is having been there.’

Whatever your beliefs are, agnostic, atheistic, devout catholic if you have been through rough times and want solace you need to accept that everything is part of a bigger picture and that you are part of that picture.  It’s that simple. Sure, you could be bitter and angry all your life but what is that doing to you?

And lastly, compassion, as difficult as it may be, have compassion for those that have hurt you.  Put yourself in their shoes and have empathy towards them and thank them for the lessons and skills they have taught you. Tolerance, compassion, patience and unconditional love to name a few. I could choose to see the people that have hurt me as selfish ‘arseholes’ but instead I look at them as people that don’t know any better and that are trying their best. In honesty, I actually feel sorry for them because I am in this blissful place of acceptance and they are so bitter and dissatisfied with their own situation that they have to take it out on others with their actions.

Why had my mother rejected me when I was 13? Acceptance, of learning detachment.
Why had my sister died so young? Acceptance, it was her karma.
Why had my first partner cheated on me? Acceptance, he was an asshole… oops where did that come from 🙂 Jokes, because it was my karma 😀
Why had my marriage failed? Acceptance, I had to renounce what I had to appreciate what is real.
Why did my mother cut me out of her will? Acceptance, she just did.
Why did my family turn their back on me? Acceptance and gratitude, I needed to be so alone that I had to take shelter in something much bigger than them to continue my journey.