Not to mention where the true strength comes from!

From as young as I can remember I have always had to be strong and stand on my own two feet as they say.  I used to pride myself on this very defiant characteristic but as I mature I am quickly realizing that true strength comes from being vulnerable.

It takes great determination to prove to the world just how strong you are.  But who are you really proving it to, the world or yourself?  For what it’s worth, I don’t think the world cares much, people have enough going on in their in heads to get involved in your trip.  So I guess you are proving it to yourself and strengthening the ego by thinking that these decisions are what define us and further enhancing the sense of identification with the ego. When really we are so much more than the sum of our decisions.

I am at a point where I want to be as sincere to myself as possible.  I don’t want to live life according to what is deemed socially correct, I have gone against the grain and am fortunate enough to be able to live a somewhat alternate lifestyle compared to most.  Yet, I still have these limitations and attachments in my mind.  These limitations are a burden because they inhabit my self-development and evolution.

It doesn’t matter what decisions I have made in the past, what matters the most to me now is that I come from the heart and that I am as genuine as I can be.  I’m starting to appreciate that holding yourself to something that no longer serves you does more damage than good.  In order to evolve situations, rules and regulations that were once deemed appropriate have to be challenged, it is easy to fall into a comfort zone and become complacent.

I have always been one of those people that when life has been falling apart I have put scaffoldings around it for support and just got on with it.  To be sure nobody could see in or heavens forbid, reach out to me, I built walls around the crumbling mess instead of allowing myself to been seen as weak or a failure. I built a castle within the walls and confinement and watched life happen from my tower this soon became my uncomfortable comfort zone.  I am tired of the walls, I am tired of erecting the scaffoldings, I am tired of living with the judgments of others, but most importantly I am tired of living up to my own expectations.

You don’t grow without pushing your comfort zones so slowly I have been ripping down the walls and revealing myself.  I am more accepting of situations as they truly are and realizing everything is perfect because everything is a learning opportunity.  It’s just all screwed up in my head because of the ingrained beliefs, upbringing, media, society and the mess we live in due to the conditionings.

As soon as I accepted that I was not in control and recognized the conditionings I started to allow life to live though me and this is where the true strength is, it’s raw and organic, it is not smoke and mirrors, it is as real as the illusion of life can be, it is not a cover-up.

Being true to oneself and embracing our imperfections is not embarrassing it’s empowering.