The ultimate lesson all of us have to learn is unconditional love, which includes not only others but ourselves as well. ~ Elisabeth Kubler Ross

Is love really such a complex thing? I don’t think that is meant to be understood, I think that it is meant to be experienced. I have been doing a lot of soul searching about this phenomena called love and I found that my ‘falling in love’ was all ego driven.  The last time I ‘fell in love’ was in my lounge room 4 years ago.  A friend and I were packing incense (bloody hippies) and my hair was on my face.  He asked me a question, I looked up and I couldn’t see him. I laughed and made a joke about my hair.  He brushed it back and told me that it was beautiful….  that I was beautiful.  He told me exactly what I needed to hear to make me feel good about myself, I went to jelly and it was all over red rover, I was ‘in love’ until he ran off and married someone else. Months later he contacted me to see how I was.  He was surprised when I thanked him for the experience, I was so down on myself before meeting him that I thought I could never love again nor was I worthy of being loved.

My poor ego had suffered yet another horrific love trauma, only this time, I didn’t see it that way at all, I saw it as a lesson that I was worthy of love and I wouldn’t die from a broken heart because there is no such thing, the pain was from my bruised ego.

I needed to understand why I didn’t lock myself in the house for 3 years, eat myself stupid and watch girlie flicks but instead, why I was reacting in this pragmatic way.  I discovered that I wasn’t in love with him, I was in love with the way he made me feel.  The way that every woman wants to feel, beautiful and loved and when the penny dropped I understood that I was never in love with him, but  that I actually loved him for the beautiful friend and person that he is and that I didn’t need him to feel beautiful and loved.

When I recognized this, it was like I had just started living the first time.  I wasn’t afraid to show love.  It opened my heart and allowed me to share myself (emotionally) with many beautiful people.  Love isn’t complex, we make it complex.  Ego makes it difficult because it tries to protect the heart (soul), but the heart is resilient.  If the love is pure, it is simple, it flows without effort and there are no conditions instead it is unconditional.

With unconditional love the no need for co-dependent relationships disappears.  The person is showing affection because they enjoy your company and want to be with you. Not because they are expecting you to fill a void that can only they be filled by themselves.