From the moment we are born we are dying so why is it that we have children knowing that one day they will take their last breath?

We have children because through them we have a shot of immortality, passing down our genes and DNA in the bloody line.  Unfortunately, it’s not just genetics that we pass down the line as parents, we pass down traditions, values, rituals, beliefs juts to rattle off a few.
Parents often hold their child/ren ‘captive’, burdened by the ways things ‘should be’ and never really get to experience what being a parent is.

These days both parents work in most families and the child is in after school care or at the grandparents place.  The child is deprived of quality time with their parents, this can have a profound impact on the child’s psychology growing up and as an adult, hindering them in their own relationships.

I was fortunate enough to be born into in a very strict European Roman Catholic family, this upbringing was the spring board of my tenacious character.  I did not adhere to the rules, regulations and expectations that my parents had for me.  I was my own person and did my own thing, I was a rebel and still am.

Now, as a grown woman I refuse to be held captive by what media and what society deems appropriate for me.  I refuse to bow down to the media conglomerates and be one of their puppets.  I do things differently to most, I go against the grain, you zig, I zag, that is the way I live my life and this is the way that I am bringing up by daughter.  When I die, I would hope that she has a head full of wonderful memories of times that we shared together. And me? I want to leave this world with a heart filled of loving memories not a casket full of money.

Chasing rubber balls to give your children all the material things they want is to satisfy your needs and desires not your childs, all they want is quality time with you.  Stop complicating your life and start living a simpler life filled with love and laughter.

So, if you did find yourself on your death bed tomorrow looking back at things you wished you had done differently you are not living you are just existing.

Life your live, enjoy the small things.  Look at your world as if you had just been born, with fresh eyes and start making a difference not only in your life but in these that you love by setting an example of what it is to really live and leaving that legacy for them rather than unfulfilled dreams and expectations.

Today I  reflected on just how lucky I am to have what I have.
Ten years ago I had a multi million dollar property portfolio, I had fast cars, a hugh 3 level family home in a nice suburb. Chanel sunglasses and tailor made outfits because I could. A husband that didn’t drink, smoke, or scream in fact he hardly spoke. I had my beautiful 5-year daughter and a sweet seal point Burmese cat called Coco, everything looked amazing from the outside but inside was empty.

In the 14 years that we had been married we had been to the beach together once and on 1 holiday, our honey moon!

I could have stayed, there was nothing wrong with him, I had everything I could want for.  I could have tolerated the boredom and loneliness and settled for the assets but the thing was that I couldn’t take those things with me when I died and I was already dying from the emptiness.  So I decided to leave much to everyone’s shock.

Ten year on and I have had many holidays and adventures.  I have 3 businesses that I own and operate all generating income.  This only happened in the past 3 years post me leaving my career and they only really took off when I seriously committed to myself so now I’m addicted and I am excited to say that I am about to launch another business next week.

For me life is about experiencing and really living, having fun and adventures not sitting at a desk surrounded with people you dislike because they pay you to be there.  I have had my fair share of that and it isn’t for me! So now I no longer have a career, I have a lifestyle.  Sure, I work bloody long hours but it’s doesn’t seem like work, it’s fun and I love what I do.  I structure my days to be around my daughter when she is home so it means early starts and late finishes so I can be there for her.

I report to me, I holiday when I want, where I want and I share my lifestyle with my daughter which is super important to me.  I want her to member the crazy fun times we shared not what a HUGH house we lived in. I learnt when I was married that the only things that I can take with me when I’m gone is what I’ve packed into my heart and I want that to be jammed packed with loving memories spent with my daughter (partner – when he shows up) and amazing people.  I don’t care for hugh homes and fancy cars anymore; I have nothing to prove to anyone except that the fact that I am living my life to the fullest doing what I love to myself.

Life is as hard as you make it.  Start doing what you love and having fun and your life will transform I promise you this.  All you have to do is commit to yourself and if I can do it, anyone can.

Did I offer peace today? Did I bring a smile to someone’s face? Did I say words of healing? Did I let go of my anger and resentment? Did I forgive? Did I love? These are the real questions. I must trust that the little bit of love that I sow now will bear many fruits, here in this world and the life to come. ~ Henri Nouwen

What a year it has been.  As the year draws to an end I like to reflect back and acknowledge the events that have occurred and I can seriously say that 2015 has been an amazing year for me in all aspects of life.

Those of you that follow my blog and Facebook may have noticed that I like to think about the meaning of life, I fancy myself as a bit of a philosopher.  I spend a lot of time trying to understand things to deepen my realizations of life and whilst this is done in the mind/head the results are truly felt in the heart.

Last night I came to the conclusion that when you open your heart there is no longer a need to analyis, just accept that all is as it should be and all is perfect.

When this is realized there is a wave of internal peace that washes over you and become unbreakable because nothing that is said or done has an effect on you.  You are constantly at peace with yourself and your environment, you are grounded and connected and see things differently.  I think what I am describing here is the death of the ego. I am going to write about the ego is past tense, this is not to say that I am devoid of ego – yet, but I am working on it!  Some would say that what I am doing is ego at play itself, I say we have to start somewhere!

My ego was a little voice inside my head that told me how I should think, feel, live and love.  It was the little voice in my head that thought it was protecting me, keeping me alive.  Instead what it was doing was causing me lots of pain because its idea of ‘protecting me’ was actually distorting my reality and it made me a victim in my own life.

My ego would come up with all sorts of wild stories about how people (including myself) were treating me and how they “should” really be treating me.  I started becoming more and more withdrawn and more and more in my head and my ego.  To the point where I was soooo far inside my head I almost turned myself inside out.  It was ego and me and don’t you dare come close because ego would start making up these stories about how I would get hurt. It was a very isolating living like this, it can almost become a form of paranoia, after all paranoia is totally awareness isn’t it??

At my lowest moment I heard another little voice coming from my heart.  This little voice was gentle and kind, it was soft, fully of hope and determined.  I started paying attention to this voice because the ego was just too much, pretending that everything was ok when clearly everything was falling apart and I was becoming suicidal.  It was exhausting, everyday was a fight, yet, this other nurturing voice kept on telling me that it’s normal to want to be accepted and loved, slowly it was becoming a scream and it drained out the ego.  The voice from my heart has become the voice with which I speak.

What relief to be at peace, what relief to know that it’s ok, what a relief to be real!

Whilst the ego was trying to be protect me it wasn’t protecting I needed, I needed love and acceptance, not only by others but by myself.

I needed to start loving and accepting myself as I was. I was wounded by the battles my ego had fought and it wasn’t until I fully accepted the hurt and pain that I was able to be at peace with myself and acknowledge that is was safe and always had been safe for me to love and be loved as I am, perfect with all my imperfections.

All of this came to me last night as I sat at my brother’s table. On the drive down I was feeling sick, ego had kicked in, I hadn’t even gotten there and already I was planning my exist strategy. I found myself thinking it would have been easier going to  Melbourne as planned to be away and alone, comfortable with the discomfort of being alone. Then I slipped back into that peaceful place and accepted that without all the pain and suffering that I had gone through in those years that I would not have really been able to appreciate that moment for what it was, not just Christmas with my brother and his family after 9 years, a moment of extreme healing for all involved.

 

The other morning I was sitting with a few of my mentors and friends and I was telling them that I had  been challenged to work on my “relationshits”,  as soon as I heard what I had said I started laughing because I realised that that was probably the biggest Freudian slip I had ever done!  We all laugh and thought yep, that’s true, relationship can be relationshits!  Among all the laughing I started to scrutinize (as I do) what I had said and why I had said it.  As I sat there I realized exactly how important relationships really are, not only with other people but with yourself and the toll that relationshits can take on the physical body.

I have studied many forms of healing modalities one of which being white tantra and whilst most may think that tantra is primarily focused around sex it is not.  Tantra is about true intimacy and connection.  When I talk about intimacy I like to change it to “into me you see” because that is what true intimacy is, it’s about allowing yourself to be seen (with clothes on) completely exposed, nowhere to run or hide, all your flaws out in the open for the other person to see and experience.  When there is a true intimate connection the other person accepts you without judgments or questions, they are able to hold space for you to just be.  They watch you in all your glory allowing your true colours to shine brightly and the more they hold that space the more you can relax into just being. Can you imagine how beautiful it would be to have someone hold space for you so you can just be without having to worry about hurting/insulting them because they accept you wholly?  It would be fabulous wouldn’t it? That would definitely be a relationship and not a relationshit! But can you hold that space for yourself?  How intimate are you with yourself?  Can you accept yourself wholly?

One of the reasons I did my Tantra Goddess training was so I could learn to hold that space for myself and a partner. Despite my training there were still deep seeded judgments that I didn’t even know I had until my mentor pointed them out to me in conversation.  I resisted it when he pointed them out to me because naturally after all this training I thought I have transcended them but the fact of the matter was that I still had some judgments that were affecting my relationships and turning them into relationshits.  It never had anything to do with the other person or situation but everything to do with me.  I wasn’t holding that space for me.  Please note, when I use the term relationships I don’t necessarily mean romantic ones, relationships can be the ones you have at work with your colleagues, with your family, at school with your teachers and fellow students, relationships with money and business and of course with yourself.  When you think about it everything in this life comes down to relationships so guess what, if you have relationshits rather than relationships your life isn’t as easy as it could be.  We are conditioned in believing that life is meant to be hard and that if you dare to love your heart will be ripped out and smashed.  Right? Isn’t this what we are told most of the time?  Rubbish!! Life and love can be easy, in fact they are meant to be.  Life and love are meant to be exciting and pleasurable not grim and unhappy.

Most of us understand that relationships are energetic connections right?  The perceptions of our reality affect our moods, which in turn affect the energetic force around us, which affects our relationships and have the potential to turn them into relationshits.  What we project we attract, so be mindful of that and also of the fact that the relationship that you are having or aren’t having could be causing havoc in your physical body too.  Energetic blockages can manifest into diseases, look at the word for a minute, ‘dis- ease’ dis ease of what? Dis ease of your mind and energetic body that’s what!  A relationshit may feel like the weight of the world on your shoulders causing you stiffness and soreness in your shoulders and neck. You may not even be aware of all the afflictions that your relationshits may be inflicting on you but the fact of the matter is that energy blocks affect your entire being and therefore affect all areas of your life.  Can you imagine how amazing and awesome life would be if you were able to free your body from pain caused by energetic blockages and remove any blocks that may stopping you from living the life you want? How is this relevant to healthy relationships? Living the life you want is a direct reflectionof the relationship you have with yourself which is the most important relationship.  I have studied and continue to study many modalities as mentioned before I am doing a PhD in Metaphysics – The Benefits Of A Holistic Lifestyle.  I am passionate about self-improvement and self-realisation.  I have helped many people free themselves from emotional blockages that have caused physical pain and have stopped some from pursuing a life they dream off by simply be turning their relationshits into relationships. So stop sabotaging your life and book your free 15 minutes session to see how I can help you by emailing me at: pritha@consciouscooking.com.au

The ultimate lesson all of us have to learn is unconditional love, which includes not only others but ourselves as well. ~ Elisabeth Kubler Ross

Is love really such a complex thing? I don’t think that is meant to be understood, I think that it is meant to be experienced. I have been doing a lot of soul searching about this phenomena called love and I found that my ‘falling in love’ was all ego driven.  The last time I ‘fell in love’ was in my lounge room 4 years ago.  A friend and I were packing incense (bloody hippies) and my hair was on my face.  He asked me a question, I looked up and I couldn’t see him. I laughed and made a joke about my hair.  He brushed it back and told me that it was beautiful….  that I was beautiful.  He told me exactly what I needed to hear to make me feel good about myself, I went to jelly and it was all over red rover, I was ‘in love’ until he ran off and married someone else. Months later he contacted me to see how I was.  He was surprised when I thanked him for the experience, I was so down on myself before meeting him that I thought I could never love again nor was I worthy of being loved.

My poor ego had suffered yet another horrific love trauma, only this time, I didn’t see it that way at all, I saw it as a lesson that I was worthy of love and I wouldn’t die from a broken heart because there is no such thing, the pain was from my bruised ego.

I needed to understand why I didn’t lock myself in the house for 3 years, eat myself stupid and watch girlie flicks but instead, why I was reacting in this pragmatic way.  I discovered that I wasn’t in love with him, I was in love with the way he made me feel.  The way that every woman wants to feel, beautiful and loved and when the penny dropped I understood that I was never in love with him, but  that I actually loved him for the beautiful friend and person that he is and that I didn’t need him to feel beautiful and loved.

When I recognized this, it was like I had just started living the first time.  I wasn’t afraid to show love.  It opened my heart and allowed me to share myself (emotionally) with many beautiful people.  Love isn’t complex, we make it complex.  Ego makes it difficult because it tries to protect the heart (soul), but the heart is resilient.  If the love is pure, it is simple, it flows without effort and there are no conditions instead it is unconditional.

With unconditional love the no need for co-dependent relationships disappears.  The person is showing affection because they enjoy your company and want to be with you. Not because they are expecting you to fill a void that can only they be filled by themselves.

The other day I was challenged over a post I put on my facebook page, the post read, ‘I spent 3 years surrounded by people in a community and they were the loneliest years of my life. Now if I choose to be alone it’s because I want to, not because I don’t need to’.

They asked me if I had to be so negative about my experience at the community as “it’s what you make of it” they said and if I had to voice it on FB off all places where 100s of people would read it.  To which I replied, ‘Yes’. Obviously they stopped reading after ‘loneliest years of my life’ and didn’t read the rest which continued to say that these days if I was alone it’s because ‘I want to, not because I don’t need to’

Those 3 years could count for some of the darkest of my life but also the most enlightening.  Without the darkness  you cannot appreciate light.  I needed those 3 years to be as they were and they were perfect with all their imperfection.  I needed to experience what I did to make the decisions I have made and will continue to make.  This is cause and effect in play.  Perhaps it was just to confronting for him, perhaps it was shadow work because he himself may feel that he doesn’t belong. Perhaps he wishes he could have been there more for me.  I don’t know and I don’t need to know his reasons because that is his journey.

My life, although some may think it’s a bed of roses has it fair share of thorns.  I don’t wear rosey colored glasses and tip to through tulips with flowers in my hair.  I actually consider myself a pragmatic person who chooses to accept life for what it is rather than try to understand the whys.  I tried understanding the whys and I became suicidal from the repeating victim story that I was constantly relating to until I realized that I am more than that.

My spirit cannot be broken, but my ego is fragile and can be shattered with a single word or gesture.  These days I give myself permission to feel and express emotions (hence the post) but from the spirit not the ego (as much).  If a friend shares her pain with me I cry because she is in pain and I am part of her, this is compassion – spirit.  If I get angry over something stupid someone says because they misinterpret my words it is a waste of energy – ego.  How can I get angry if they don’t know what they are saying?  Yes, they understand the words they are saying but they have not understood the point to begin with!

It is ok to be alone with yourself, it’s ok to feel angry and hurt and sad.  But understand where the emotions are coming from ego or spirit.  Where is the emotion, does it have a colour or smell, why did it happen?  Be aware of where in the body this emotion is, be conscious of how much energy you give the emotion.  Watch your emotions like a cloud in the sky, see it coming over, let it rain if you have too but let it pass.  Don’t hang onto it because it will do you damage.  Always remember that after a storm the sun will shine again.  Accept the bad in life so you can appreciate the good.

So without those three years I would not have experienced this, or maybe I would have, I don’t know?  What I do know is that it is what it is and it’s perfect.

“Returning home is the most difficult part of long-distance hiking; You have grown outside the puzzle and your piece no longer fits.” ― Cindy Ross

I was lying in bed thinking what’s the point to it all? I’ve made and make so many sacrifices in life for what? I’m going to die just the same as the person that doesn’t make sacrifices, why do I put these restrictions on myself, don’t do this, don’t do that, do this, do that – it’s all bullshit, karma, past life, this life, next life does it really exist? Or is it just a cruel joke to keep us going in that hope that we will reach nirvana someday?

Sometimes I feel as if I’m going mad, maybe I already am?! I’m trying to understand this insane world we live in and life but the more I think the less I understand it just doesn’t make sense.  Perhaps some things aren’t meant to be understood, but if that were the case then why would the question(s) rise?
Perhaps if you surrender and accept you will understand or perhaps that’s when you die because there is no more wondering what it’s all about.  Maybe it’s the curiosity of life that keeps us alive and once that is exhausted – game over.

The other day I had an interesting experience; I walked a labyrinth with an open mind and heart.  I started on the journey seeking an answer (as always), trying to understand.  I started walking around and around, the more I walked the more I became frustrated because the answer wasn’t coming.  I was walking around like a fool in circles seeking an answer, who was I kidding.  I started focusing on the walk and I got excited because I was one ‘lane’ away from the centre of labyrinth, “This is it, this is where the answer is just keep going almost there.” I continued walking and much to my surprise it took me farther away from the centre – again, I was lost walking in circles, extremely annoyed with myself and the situation.  I almost gave up and walked over the hedge but I persisted and then I noticed that I was entering the centre of the labyrinth.  I sat down on the little bench and smiled.  There was my answer, the closer I thought I was the further away I was, the farther away I was the closer I was.  All I had to do was trust the path would lead me to where I needed to be.

As I was lying in bed frustrated with so many things in my life I smiled because I remembered my labyrinth experience, like that walk, I should just trust that my journey in life will lead me to where I need to be, everything else is irreverent!  So with an open mind and heart I continue wondering in the labyrinth of life hoping that one day I will reach the centre and have my answer.

Not to mention where the true strength comes from!

From as young as I can remember I have always had to be strong and stand on my own two feet as they say.  I used to pride myself on this very defiant characteristic but as I mature I am quickly realizing that true strength comes from being vulnerable.

It takes great determination to prove to the world just how strong you are.  But who are you really proving it to, the world or yourself?  For what it’s worth, I don’t think the world cares much, people have enough going on in their in heads to get involved in your trip.  So I guess you are proving it to yourself and strengthening the ego by thinking that these decisions are what define us and further enhancing the sense of identification with the ego. When really we are so much more than the sum of our decisions.

I am at a point where I want to be as sincere to myself as possible.  I don’t want to live life according to what is deemed socially correct, I have gone against the grain and am fortunate enough to be able to live a somewhat alternate lifestyle compared to most.  Yet, I still have these limitations and attachments in my mind.  These limitations are a burden because they inhabit my self-development and evolution.

It doesn’t matter what decisions I have made in the past, what matters the most to me now is that I come from the heart and that I am as genuine as I can be.  I’m starting to appreciate that holding yourself to something that no longer serves you does more damage than good.  In order to evolve situations, rules and regulations that were once deemed appropriate have to be challenged, it is easy to fall into a comfort zone and become complacent.

I have always been one of those people that when life has been falling apart I have put scaffoldings around it for support and just got on with it.  To be sure nobody could see in or heavens forbid, reach out to me, I built walls around the crumbling mess instead of allowing myself to been seen as weak or a failure. I built a castle within the walls and confinement and watched life happen from my tower this soon became my uncomfortable comfort zone.  I am tired of the walls, I am tired of erecting the scaffoldings, I am tired of living with the judgments of others, but most importantly I am tired of living up to my own expectations.

You don’t grow without pushing your comfort zones so slowly I have been ripping down the walls and revealing myself.  I am more accepting of situations as they truly are and realizing everything is perfect because everything is a learning opportunity.  It’s just all screwed up in my head because of the ingrained beliefs, upbringing, media, society and the mess we live in due to the conditionings.

As soon as I accepted that I was not in control and recognized the conditionings I started to allow life to live though me and this is where the true strength is, it’s raw and organic, it is not smoke and mirrors, it is as real as the illusion of life can be, it is not a cover-up.

Being true to oneself and embracing our imperfections is not embarrassing it’s empowering.

The other morning I finished moving out of the place I had been living in for 3 years.  This place was no ordinary place it was an ashram. Most people run away and join the circus I ran away and joined a monastery.

I have always had a tenacity to run away; run away from a marriage, from my career, from my family and even tried running away myself.  But it’s impossible to outrun yourself so in search of truth and self-realization I turned to ashram living.

Four years prior I had left my husband of 14 years.  I woke up one morning and much to his surprise said I can’t do it anymore. I packed my daughter’s (Elena) and my belongings, the cat and we went to live in one of our vacant properties.  It took me 5 years to get the courage to do what I know I had to do.

One of the first things I did after leaving home was to book a trip to Thailand with Elena.  It was a real culture shock to her.  During the day we would travel to remote country villages and see how the locals live.  Kids playing with flat balls, plastic bags and sticks catching the wind.  At first she wouldn’t play with them and would cry because she wanted to return home.  When it was time to go home she cried because she didn’t want to come home.  She wanted to stay with her new friends and play, she even asked if we could bring a little girl home.

I spent most of that trip crying.  I was struggling with the affluence of the western world we live in and the ‘poverty’ which I was seeing.  In hindsight I think I was crying because I was jealous that they had so little but yet were so happy and fulfilled.  When back home I returned to my secure 9-5 office job.  I managed the biggest, most successful and longest serving university research team in Australia.  I plodded along there escaping every chance I had overseas to experience different cultures with Elena.

Like my marriage, work was becoming boring and unfulfilling, I was becoming restless again so I decided to book for India.  I had planned on a 3 week trip where I would stay in ashrams and work with orphaned children and really start serving selflessly as a missionary.

Not knowing where to go I posted on Facebook for any suggestions and that was the beginning of the end.  A friend put me in contact with one of her friends (now my friend too) who suggested I contact a local ashram that was only 40 minutes away from where I was living before going to India to get a taste of ashram living.  I didn’t know this place existed, so I called Govinda Valley and asked to volunteer there.  A week or so later I attended an interview, the monk (now my Spiritual brother) interviewing me asked me what I like doing, I said cooking, to which he indicated was a good thing because they always needed help in the kitchen.

I remember sitting there chatting with him, there was a familiarity about him even though it was the first time we had met.  I looked out the window and turned back to him and said that I should have brought my tooth brush because I saw myself living there, he laughed.  He then proceeded to explain that that ashram was part of ISKCON, International Society for Krishna Consciousness, that they were Hare Krishnas.  What he didn’t know was that I already knew that because my friend had told me.  I looked at him and said, “I know, I want to be initiated”.

He stopped laughing and almost fell off the chair; you see this is like a criminal handing themselves in, it doesn’t happen very often.  So after the shock we agreed that my first day of service (karma yoga) would be Christmas day.  Elena was with her father and I had nowhere else to be on Christmas.

After my first day of service and a few days of volunteering I didn’t want to go back.  Every time I left Govinda Valley I would cry all the way home, it was like I was leaving a piece of my soul behind.  There was a strong bond there so I decided to cancel my trip to India and do service at Govinda Valley for a trial of three weeks with Elena living there too if they agreed, which they did. So when the time came Elena and I moved into a room that was no bigger than 2.5m x 3m if that.  We shared everything else with the other devotees or residents.  At the end of the 3 weeks I told Elena it was time to go home and she said that we were home…. That was a clear indication to me that we were where we needed to be.  So I quit my job at University of Wollongong and moved in full-time with Elena.  I was now a full time yogi (or nun) on a spiritual path.  We lived in that room for 18months.

As part of the community there were regulations I needed to follow, strict vegetarian diet (which I was already) no intoxication (happy to give up) no gambling (don’t partake anyways) and no illicit sex (no comment!!) I would wake every morning at 4am shower and go to the temple for 3 hours to chant and mediate.  I did this most mornings for the first 18months whilst in that room.  Walking in the rain to the temple for the last 18 months was harder.  It hasn’t all been beer and skittles as they say but this period has been a major one of self-development for me thanks to the project and an amazing person I met recently that I now consider a close and dear friend.

I went from volunteering in the kitchen to head chef and kitchen manager.  I have my own catering business and teach vegetarian cooking and Ayurveda.

That kitchen and I have shared so much together.  It has seen me at my best and at my worst, it has seen me sleep deprived and ill, it is transforming me into something that I thought I could never be.  It has taught me so much more than just about food.  It has taught (and still teaching) me tolerance, patience, compassion, non-attachment, surrendering, faith and how to follow my heart and not my head.

Through these qualities I am learning unconditional love for what I do and the people that come into my life and I am able to fulfill my dharma.  I’m eternally grateful to those four walls and cold steel appliances that have warmed my heart and shown me how to love again.  Most important lesson learnt is that I cannot outrun myself.  When I think I can’t take anymore I simply let go and hand it over to whatever is meant to be, and there, at that every point is where the nectar and magic happens.

For me, that point of no return feels like I’m falling and all of a sudden something catches me and gives wings.  It is the sweetest feeling to know that failing is not possible.  Those wings that will pick you up and take you where you need to be are always there, all you have to do is have the courage to let go and fall into the nothingness and everything at the same time that supports us.

Three years ago I fall into the wind, it picked me up and blew me to Govinda Valley, it was the best thing I have ever done.  That same wind has gently taken me away from Govinda Valley, that too has been the best thing that has ever happened to me, you see, the wind knows best, we just need to learn to trust our wings.

I read this quote from the Dalai Lama tonight and smiled because I couldn’t agree more with it.  I’m confident that if we look back at all the ‘things’ that have happened to us it would be very easy to tell the world to go screw itself.  I know that I have certainly had periods in my life where I have been down and out.  I played the victim role so well that I almost got nominated for an Oscar.  The role looked something like this; Why had my mother rejected me when I was 13? Why had my sister died so young? Why had my first partner cheated on me? Why had my marriage failed?  Why did my mother cut me out of her  will? Why did my family turn their backs on me? The list goes on and on and on.

WHY WHY WHY??

It wasn’t pretty, all these negative thoughts and emotions that were brewing in my body, like a pressure cooker just ready to explode into a disease. My mind (thoughts) were  making me ill, I was depressed, I was gaining weight, I was dissatisfied, I was such a victim that I was losing the will to live and becoming suicidal. At my lowest point I realized that this attitude wasn’t serving me and I had to snap out of it because Prozac wasn’t the solution for me.

So, how do you turn negatives into positives in this situation?

Firstly, just stop it! Stop trying to intellectualize it, stop analyzing it, stop trying to make sense of it because it is not meant to make sense.

Secondly, accept the whys.  This is like going through a mourning process to begin with.  You will experience denial, anger, bargaining, depression and FINALY the accepting. With time you will bypass the 4 steps (denial, anger, bargaining and depression) and be with acceptance straight away. You will soon realize that the 4 stages prior to acceptance don’t serve you. They are just a defense mechanism.  When you are wholeheartedly at peace and accepting of the situation there is no need to be angry or depressed about it.  It is how it is and that is it. Now, this isn’t easy, but when you are at that place of acceptance there is a blissful and calm feeling inside.  All of a sudden you realize that everything that is happening to you is for a reason, acknowledge that everything is as it should be.

I have a saying, ‘religion is the fear of going to hell and spirituality is having been there.’

Whatever your beliefs are, agnostic, atheistic, devout catholic if you have been through rough times and want solace you need to accept that everything is part of a bigger picture and that you are part of that picture.  It’s that simple. Sure, you could be bitter and angry all your life but what is that doing to you?

And lastly, compassion, as difficult as it may be, have compassion for those that have hurt you.  Put yourself in their shoes and have empathy towards them and thank them for the lessons and skills they have taught you. Tolerance, compassion, patience and unconditional love to name a few. I could choose to see the people that have hurt me as selfish ‘arseholes’ but instead I look at them as people that don’t know any better and that are trying their best. In honesty, I actually feel sorry for them because I am in this blissful place of acceptance and they are so bitter and dissatisfied with their own situation that they have to take it out on others with their actions.

Why had my mother rejected me when I was 13? Acceptance, of learning detachment.
Why had my sister died so young? Acceptance, it was her karma.
Why had my first partner cheated on me? Acceptance, he was an asshole… oops where did that come from 🙂 Jokes, because it was my karma 😀
Why had my marriage failed? Acceptance, I had to renounce what I had to appreciate what is real.
Why did my mother cut me out of her will? Acceptance, she just did.
Why did my family turn their back on me? Acceptance and gratitude, I needed to be so alone that I had to take shelter in something much bigger than them to continue my journey.